Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
seriously i just wanna be friends
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.