She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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