Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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