it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
