WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
