does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
