if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
