he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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