My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
