she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
