Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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