Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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