If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
