Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
