How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
