I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
