True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize