i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
FUCK WHALES
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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