I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
