i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
