I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
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I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
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Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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