I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
