Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
