Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
