her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
