I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
