It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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