that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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