And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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