she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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