Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
