I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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