True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
