Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
