I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize