he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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