my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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