On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
