The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
