i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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