What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
