Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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