Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
