don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
