It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
