So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
