if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
