White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
