Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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