this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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