I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
