hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
