to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
