I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
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The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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