When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
