I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
