textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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